


What Dreams May Come

by Niki



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: But They Get Each Other, Civil war fix-it of sorts, Dreams, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Ignores the Trailer to Infinity War, M/M, Meeting in dreams, Poor bastards, Tony Deserves Nice Things, bucky deserves nice things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 05:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13116936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/pseuds/Niki
Summary: The reasons Bucky gave Steve for putting him back on ice were all true, and credible, and none of them the real reason he wanted to get back into cryofreeze.





	What Dreams May Come

**Author's Note:**

  * For [27dragons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/gifts).



> As soon as I saw this prompt I knew I had to write it! I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> Warning: Brief mention of implied non-sexual child abuse
> 
>  
> 
> _To die, to sleep--_  
>  _To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,_  
>  _For in that sleep of death what dreams may come..._  
>  _W. Shakespeare: Hamlet_

There were a few things Tony Stark knew.

One, Steve Rogers had not been what he expected, not from knowing Stevie through the eyes of another, as a background character for most of his life. This angry and argumentative man who jumped to conclusions and judged the book by the sticker stuck to the cover wasn't who he had expected. 

Two, Winter Soldier was not who he had expected, the feeling of no recognition in the eyes that stared at his was more painful than the shield to his sternum. 

Three, he would never have his dreams again.

*

_Tony is five, exhausted from crying and hiding it, the fingermarks around his arm still red and angry when he goes to sleep without a hug or a kiss good night._

_He doesn't notice when he falls asleep._

_It feels more real than any previous dream he's had, the street under his bare feet is hard and cold, the air smells unpleasant and weird, and the sounds of the city are all wrong. Everything is both louder and more quiet, and there are shouts, skin hitting skin, and he hates that he has to still hear that, even in the dreams, but then he sees a boy running towards the sounds of fighting._

_That's not someone he knows. He read somewhere that our minds cannot make up faces, and that everyone you ever dream about is someone you saw somewhere, but isn't sure he believes that. His mind can make up a lot of things, and how would one ever test for something like that? He already knows not to believe what grown ups write._

_He follows, because the boy looks fierce and protective, something Tony wishes he knew about. Jarvis tries his best, but his best is always behind closed doors._

_The boy is yelling, and joining the fight, which seems totally unfair, bigger boys pummelling a short skinny blond with a bloody nose who still keeps hitting them even if his fists don't seem to do much damage. Even the brown haired new kid doesn't seem to be making much of a difference, and Tony knows boxing from Jarvis, and sneaky kicks from Aunt Peggy, but he also knows physics, about mass and velocity and power, so he knows his body cannot make a difference._

_His mouth can._

_“The cops are coming!” he yells, suddenly hoping the people already called them cops, because everyone is dressed in old-fashioned clothes – not like vintage, but like old photos – and the few cars around are wrong, and he knows he's in the past even as he knows it makes no sense, even as he knows it's a dream and nothing is real._

_It's effective, whether because they believe him, or because he can influence the dream, and he wills the bigger boys to run._

_The protector turns to look at him, fists still up and bloody, hos face scrunched in a frown._

_“This isn't how it happened,” he says, and lets his fists fall down. “Stevie broke an arm this day.”_

_“Well, it's a stupid memory to have to relive then,” Tony says, because what else could his words mean?_

_“You're actually here,” the boy says. “Stevie isn't. He's just a... an image.”_

_“Sure, I'm really here. It's my dream.”_

_“No, I'm pretty sure it's mine.”_

_“I'm willing to share,” Tony says, thinking of the fierce protectiveness, and the other boy smiles._

_“I'm Bucky.”_

_“I'm Tony. Do you have any nicer memories to relive?”_

_Bucky smiles, then laughs. “Sure I do. Do you mind if Stevie tags along?”_

_“You said he isn't really here?”_

_“I don't know how it works,” Bucky says. “But even as an image he's my best friend.”_

_Tony feels a stab of jealousy, which he stomps on immediately. They just met. He has no claim on this boy._

_“Sure,” Tony says. “Stevie can come.”_

*

The reasons Bucky gave Steve for putting him on ice were all true, and credible, and none of them the real reason he wanted to get back into cryofreeze.

When he was in ice, all through those long years, he dreamt in a way he never did in his old life. A dream of death, maybe, but unlike the prince of Denmark, he never feared them. 

The dreams were the only place he was still Bucky, the only place he still remembered. 

And in the dreams he had a Tony. 

*

_Tony is older again, a youth, moving from cute towards handsome, but his eyes sparkle when he sees Bucky, and the smile he worked so long to earn is as bright as ever._

_He knows he himself would look alike in age if he saw himself in a reflective surface because that's how it works. He matches Tony, even if on some level he knows he's much older than this. He doesn't remember everything, not yet, but in the dreams he grows with Tony, and that's okay._

_“Is Steve around?”_

_“He could be, if you want to,” Bucky says, and loves Tony for the easy acceptance of the shadow Bucky keeps dragging along to their shared dreams. Steve isn't there, not really, but a memory of him is, and Bucky isn't ready to let go of him, not even for the sake of spending time with Tony alone._

_“It's okay. We can go to my time if he isn't.”_

_They have spent time in Bucky's memories and Tony's but if Steve is around they can never go to the future. Bucky knows on some level it's because Steve is only a memory and Bucky's mind can't supply how he'd react to the new things they see._

_He doesn't know why he isn't more shocked about the things he sees. Maybe he is an old man, and is alive somewhere in that strange and fascinating future. The thought depresses him, because if that's the case, Tony will never catch up with him, and they can never meet outside the dreams. This wouldn't be the Bucky Tony would meet in real life, and it would be cruel to make him do so._

_“Want to see another film?”_

_Bucky grins, and motions for Tony to do his magic. He doesn't know how it works, nor does he care to. He doesn't remember anything from outside the dreams when he is in one, and is okay with that too. Maybe it means he doesn't remember the dreams when he is outside them? There are skips in time, so he knows there must be something outside the dreams. Tony seems to remember his life, and often talks about it._

_There are limits and rules – he can't taste or smell anything he hasn't experienced before, but anything Tony wants to show him he can see. The same is true for Tony, but he is in a better position to do something about it as he does remember more._

_“I tasted some of that fish,” he's saying now. “I still don't get what the big deal is.”_

_“The big deal is – was – is that when you don't have a lot, treats mean more.”_

_Tony looks pensive for a moment, and Bucky wants to take the words back, because Tony is rich, okay, he has to be immensely rich to be able to share the experiences he does, but he's not happy, and Bucky doesn't want to rub it in his face._

_“I know,” Tony just says, and that makes Bucky angry, just for a second, because sure, sure you know, but then Tony looks away and says, “Jarvis hugged me today.”_

_Right. Yeah. He does know._

_“I'll hug you any time you want,” he offers, before he knows he's about to say anything._

_Tony laughs, his weathervane of a mood turning again._

_“Come here, big guy!”_

_The hug is... it's a hug, Bucky knows what hugs feel like. And maybe it's a little like hugging Steve, because Tony is still small, despite being taller than he had been, but it still doesn't feel like hugging Steve, because this is not his brother._

_“I'll hold you to that,” Tony whispers, and Bucky vows to give him all the hugs in the world for as long as he can._

*

Maybe it wasn't fair to judge Steve based on his past – it's not like he grew up knowing Tony, the way he knew Steve, but... this was not the man Bucky knew. 

Then again, this was the man who lost Bucky. 

So Steve never told Tony about Winter Soldier killing his parents. But Tony never told him about some part of Bucky surviving, to meet him in his dreams, either. 

*

_“I wish I couldn't remember either,” Tony says. “You come by so rarely I don't want to waste it on this.”_

_“This isn't a waste!” Bucky insists, opening his arms. “I promised to hug you any time you want.”_

_“Why do I know what this feels like?” Tony asks in a small voice._

_“What?”_

_“Your hugs?”_

_The question breaks Bucky's heart. How can anyone have to ask that?_

_“Because I'm really here,” Bucky says, and knows it makes no sense._

*

”I'm sorry,” Bucky said, and Tony blinked. 

”A dream,” Tony said, looking around himself, seeing the emptiness around them. Bucky hadn't felt it was his place to take him anywhere.

”Yes,” Bucky confirmed, hardly believing it had worked. He remembered everything outside the dreams now, just as he had finally remembered the dreams when his memories of being Bucky started filtering back in.

”Just a dream,” Tony said, even though he had to know it wasn't. Hell, maybe he wished it was?

”No, I'm really here,” Bucky said. “And you're really here. And I'm sorry.”

”I thought we'd never... the dreams were gone.”

”I never dreamt in regular sleep,” Bucky said, shrugging. 

”You're back in cryo? Who got you? Do you know where you are? We'll get you back out...” The instant switch from reluctance to protectiveness stunned Bucky.

”No, it's okay,” he got out. “Thanks though. I didn't think you'd...”

”What, you thought I'd leave you to be used as a meat puppet by Hydra?” There was anger now, underneath, and maybe hurt.

”It's okay,” Bucky repeated. “I'm safe. I asked them to... I asked, okay. I'm too dangerous.”

”Bucky...”

And there it was, his name in a way he'd never thought to hear it again. 

”I'm sorry,” Bucky repeated. ”Are you okay? Physically I mean. Oh shit, I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, I'm sorry!” Why had he done this? Why had he thought this was a good idea? Why would Tony even want to look at him?

”Stop. Look at yourself,” Tony said, and suddenly there was a mirror because that was the way their dreams had always worked, and Bucky could see himself as he no longer did when awake. In the uniform, young and carefree even though they were in a war. His hair was short and neat, his eyes so young it hurt.

He was ashamed of the pure and clean and whole image and wanted to smash the mirror, yet didn't want to frighten Tony any more than he already had to be, by his mere presence.

”Bucky never hurt me,” Tony said, as if he could read his mind. ”Bucky was my friend when I had no one else.”

”I'm sorry I took that away from you.” The “too” goes unsaid.

”You're Bucky, aren't you?” Tony insisted, and...

”...maybe. In my dreams. In my dreams I remember, and the words and commands can't reach me.”

”So Bucky is still there, with all his memories, and in full command of himself. We just need to find a way to keep you so even when you wake.”

”Why would you... I killed your parents!”

”Hydra killed my parents. They just used you like a sock puppet to hold the gun.”

”That... is quite an image. I have to ask Stevie to draw it... oh. Well. Can't, at the moment. And you probably don't wanna see him any more than the current me.”

”No. Not particularly.” He can't blame Tony for that. Steve... Captain America going full tilt against someone who used to call him a friend must be...

“When is it?” Bucky asked. “How are you, how is everyone?”

“It's... later. Not too much later.” Pause. “You know what, I don't want to do this right now.”

Bucky looked down, shoulders sagging. He didn't deserve anything more, but it still stung.

“Come on, take me to fucking Coney Island or something.”

“What?” His head shot back up and he stared at Tony incredulously. 

Tony was already changing, turning younger, as if he could erase all that had been by reminding them of what had been even earlier.

Still, Bucky would always take anything he had to offer, and smiled. 

“Have you ever seen the Alps in the moonlight?”

 

*

_”Wait, is that... dad?” Tony stares at the young man showing off his flying car and starts to laugh. The crowd around them doesn't react, because that isn't what happened, and then the car falls down, and Tony laughs even louder._

_“Come on,” Tony says, “I'll show you a better Stark Expo.”_

*

They never talk about it again, what happened, what Bucky became, and because of the cryo sleep Bucky didn't have anything besides the dreams again, so he didn't want to rock the boat. 

As long as Tony was willing to join him on adventures in their shared minds, laughing like he'd never seen the Winter Soldier, smiling like Bucky was still his friend, thinking of new places to show him, to ask to see. Always young, always in his twenties, always matching the age Bucky never stopped being.

And Bucky showed him everything, the New York of his youth, the Europe at war, all the grim places he'd never wanted to share before. Everything, until the moment he fell, and never anything newer than that. Before that he had been Bucky, and he didn't know what he was now, but whatever it was, it wasn't worthy of having a Tony.

*

_“...and that's when Dum-Dum stopped trying to get Steve to visit a brothel.”_

_Tony laughs, the memory rolling around them like a moving picture on a silver screen._

_“So that's what you did for fun then,” he teases._

_“Never paid for it once in my life,” Bucky boasts, and grins, and Tony scoffs, raising his eyebrow. “Never share any of those stories, do you?”_

_And Bucky just smiles, like he knows he hasn't smiled in years – decades, gets lost in a pair of brown eyes, and swears, “Can't remember a single face.”_

*

He leaned closer, slow, slow like a glacier to give the other man time to move, to deny him.

”Can I kiss you?” he asked, just in case his intent wasn't clear.

Tony started to change in front of him, his hair turning silver on the sides, his skin losing some of its shine, wrinkles growing form the sides of his eyes, his mouth, and his expression turned wary, and tired. ”Do you still want to?”

Bucky let himself change too, his hair growing to the untidy length of the Winter Soldier, his eyes losing their shine. ”Do you?” he asked.

”Maybe you should wake up and find out?”

*

Bucky blinked, and shivered, and his gaze locked with the man standing in front of him. 

”How?” he got out, coughing a little.

”Well, getting you out wasn't instantaneous, I was still asleep an hour ago.”

”I mean... you are here.”

”Well, the king of Wakanda is a pretty awesome dude.”

”Steve?”

”Not as awesome, but he has his moments.”

”Tony, be serious.”

”Bucky, the amount of talking I needed to do to get to this moment has dried my serious for a month at least. Year maybe. You said something about a kiss?”

”My mouth must taste horrible.”

”Yeah, I get it, come on, let's find you a...”

”I don't think you do, Tony, that wasn't a... a brush off. I just... My mouth tastes horrible to _me_. You deserve better.”

*

“Is this a dream?” Bucky asked because even though he knew it wasn't, knew what they felt like, this couldn't be happening, not for real.

“Not getting any younger,” Tony said, apologetically. “This is what you're getting.”

And he smiled, because hell to what he thought, if _Tony_ thought he could have this...

“I brushed my teeth,” he swore, and Tony laughed, and moved closer, and...

“Can't be a dream,” Bucky said after a minute, and Tony moved back, just a little. “I've never felt anything like that.”

“Yeah, couldn't have felt like that in the dreams.”

“Kiss me again?”

*

”What of the conditioning? The words?”

”We'll take care of them. Together.”

*

”I know it's silly but... I'll miss the dreams.”

”I knew it! You want the young Tony instead of me!”

By now Bucky could tell the difference between insecure Tony and the little sarcastic shit very well, and merely glared. 

”Besides, we have something better.”

”I know the reality of you is...”

”I meant the B.A.R.F. If we can travel together in your memories...”

”You're a genius!”

”So I keep telling peopmmmph...”

*

Steve would never get used to walking in on those two kissing. He just would not.

But if that was the price of having Bucky back... it was almost worth it. 

The two men pulled away from the kiss because they couldn't stop laughing, shining eyes locked with each other, and... 

Yeah, okay, definitely worth it. 

* 

_“Take me somewhere nice for a change,” Bucky asks, tired of the memories._

_“Have you ever flown over the Alps?”  
_

The End


End file.
